Going Through Changes
by MissTakatori
Summary: ﻿Tonks worries that Remus doesn’t love her the way she is, so she decides to change in order to please him. Rated T just to be safe
1. Change of Mind

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Harry Potter, but I don't. ;;

Synopsis: Tonks worries that Remus doesn't love her the way she is, so she decides to change in order to please him.

_Chapter One: Change of Mind_

It was a late night at the Ministry of Magic and she was the only— Tonks sat up and looked around the office— yes, the only person left, save for the janitor. She looked glumly at the clock, which read 11:09. Yes, she had stayed quite a bit late, considering she usually left between the hours of 8 and 9. However, it couldn't be helped. That was one of the downfalls of being a worker for the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix: extra work.

She bent back over the daily report she was finishing, sighing quietly. She had been trying her hardest to stay on top of things, but sometimes it was just so difficult to manage two things at once! She raised her eyes to the picture of Remus on her desk, whom was standing beside her and putting his arms around her, staring into her eyes with utter happiness. _Three things_, she reminded herself, _I'm managing my relationship with Remus now_.

She sat back in thought (Perhaps she was here so late because she couldn't focus?). She still thought it was remarkable that she and Remus were together. At first he was so reluctant...

_/Flashback/_

"Nymphadora, I simply can't do that."

"You can, Remus, and call me _Tonks_, for Merlin's sake!"

Although Remus was calm, Tonks certainly was not. She glared at him, her hands on her hips in defiance. Her eyes blazed with passionate fire, refusing to back down. Remus looked back at her coolly, an ice that refused to melt under her heated insistence. It was an endless game of Muggle tug-of-war between the two of them, both determined to get their point across.

"You _can_ love me, Remus. You will."

"Nym— _Tonks_, my feelings for you don't reach that extent. Even if they _had_ at one point, they're gone now. Vanished. There is nothing in my heart for you now but friendly compassion. Nothing more." He replied, accentuating the last two words.

_/End Flashback/_

It had taken much effort, but eventually he revealed that there _was_ something left inside for her, something that he hadn't counted on. He revealed one glorious day that he felt he was able to return her affections, and that he would trust her and her judgement. If Tonks wanted to date a werewolf, then she may, even if he felt against it.

Tonks smiled at that. The pair had been working on being truly comfortable. She was convinced that their love was strong enough to overcome anything. Remus thought that the full moon would be what tore them apart. However, she was slowly easing Remus into accepting that she didn't care, that his wolfish other half didn't bother her.

She smiled widely, continuing to write her report. He acted as if he was the only outcastin society! Didn't he realize that all her life _she'd_ been shunned as well? Her powers as a metamorphagus were rare, and they set her apart from other people. People looked at her with a peculiar gleam in their eye, as if she was some sort of flawed being, far worse than the rest. They thought that her powers were a genetic defect and that she herself was therefore some sort of odd mutation. She shook her head at the thought, scribbling a bit harder on the parchment.

Ridiculous! All of these people were ridiculous! Why couldn't they just accept people for their differences and carry on with their lives? No, instead they made the people in question begin to think that they _were_ some sort of freak. Tonks looked up at the clock again. 11:23. Damn. She had to be up at 5:30 to go to work _again_.

"Why even bother leaving?" She muttered. She glanced at the picture of herself and Remus again. Ah, of course, she wanted to leave to see _him_. She frowned. It was too late to see him now. They both needed their rest.

She kept on writing, but her thoughts kept reeling. When she actually got out of work on time, she usually dropped by to see him, but the last few days were so busy that she was too exhausted to visit after work. Was he mad at her for not going to visit?

_Uh-oh_, Tonks thought, _here we go again._

Tonks, aside from her clumsiness, had another small problem. This little problem was called Insecurity, and it really liked to rear its ugly head when Tonks was tired and began to question herself. Insecurity didn't care much for Tonks, and Tonks didn't care much for Insecurity, either.

Insecurity started asking questions like, "_Does Remus really love me?" "Is he happy with me?" "Does he want me to look like someone else?" "_Should _I look like someone else?" _etc. At this late hour, as Insecurity began to gnaw at her insides, she looked again at the picture of herself and Remus as she put the last sentence into her report.

She... she could experiment, couldn't she? She could change herself in various ways to see what Remus really wanted... She wanted to please him, after all. She stood up and grabbed her cloak off the back of her chair, nodding to herself as she tied it around herself. She could try. She would try. For Remus, she would do anything.

TBC!

A/N: I hope the ending had the affect I wanted it to... oO; Please review! I need to know what you guys think:)


	2. Change of Appearance

Disclaimer: Still don't on Harry Potter, and I don't think Ms. Rowling's about to give it to me.

_Chapter Two: Change in Appearance_

Tonks looked into the mirror one last time, finally satisfied that she would be able to appeal to Remus's tastes. She ran her fingers through her shoulder-length dark blonde hair, tucking several loose strands behind her ear. Her eyes were a blazing azure, framed with long, dark lashes. Her lips were full and pink, and long silver earrings with multicolored gems hung from her earlobes.

She turned to look at herself from the side, frowning slightly. She was wearing a short denim skirt and knee-high black lace-up boots, complete with a bright blue V-neck t-shirt. Her skin was not pale, but it wasn't tan, either. Though she was very reluctant about it, she decided to very subtly change the size of her chest, as well.

She moved away from the mirror as the doorbell to her flat rang, and she nervously fingered the multicolored stone that hung on a silver chain around her throat. Her nails flashed with silver polish as she opened the door, looking at Remus and smiling happily.

Remus's eyes widened in surprise when they settled on her. There was a brief moment when Tonks thought her heart was going to stop beating, but it passed as he smiled. He looked into her eyes as she stepped aside to let him in. She closed the door and tossed some hair over her shoulder. Sometimes it was difficult with Remus... Sometimes you could read his thoughts like a book, and other times trying to see what his thoughts were was trying to look through muddy water.

"What do you think?" She asked, hoping she didn't sound _too_ uncertain.

Remus smirked. "You're always full of surprises, aren't you?"

Tonks suppressed the urge to raise her eyebrow. That was _not_ the kind of answer she was looking for. "Do you like it?" She pressed onward.

He shrugged. "If you like it. You know I always like what you like."

"Yes, but I want you to like how I look for _yourself_, not just because I like it," Her eyes pleaded for the truth.

"You look wonderful, as usual. I mean, I wouldn't have ever imagined you to wear a skirt like that. Or a top like that. Or to wear your hair like that, but no matter what you do I always like it."

Tonks felt a pang of guilt but nodded. She was never one to be superficial and be concerned with only looks, she knew that love was not just a physical thing, but a mental and emotional one, as well. She just wanted to please Remus and be everything he dreamed of, inside and out. Was that so bad?

"Is anything the matter?" His voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked at him in surprise.

"No, why?" She turned away from him, walking into her kitchen to begin preparing the lunch she'd promised to have with him.

"Because you look tired. I don't want to be a burden to you, if you're tired I'll just..."

"Remus!" Tonks shot him a glare. "I'm just a little bit tired from working so much, that's all. I _want_ to see you and I _want_ you to be here. If I didn't I wouldn't've (A/N: Yes, I know that word doesn't exist, but that's okay!) asked you here! Now, please, just sit back and relax!"

She and Remus laughed as Tonks cooked. Against popular believe, Tonks wasn't always a clumsy girl. Yes, more often than not she found herself tripping over her own to feet, but not _always_. Luckily for both of them, today was one of the days where she didn't trip very much, therefore lunch was served without many (if any) accidents.

After Remus left, Tonks sighed and looked into the mirror again. She looked as lovely as she had when she'd opened the door for him, but... She reached up to run a hand through her long hair. It just wasn't _her_.

_But... is that okay?_ Tonks thought. _Is it okay to be someone I'm not just to make someone else happy?_

She had never, by any means, considered herself a fool until that moment. Tears filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair changed back to its "natural" short pink, eyes returning to their natural shade of blue, her chest assuming its natural size...

_You almost look pretty when you cry,_ Insecurity whispered in her ear. _But are you at all pretty when you aren't?_

"Stop it!" She said aloud, turning from the mirror and wiping her eyes furiously. "Remus loves me, he said he doesn't care _what_ I look like."

_All men care about what their women look like, don't fool yourself,_ Insecurity replied.

"Remus is different. Besides, I'm doing this all for him... He'll understand. I know he will." Tonks nodded to herself, forcing Insecurity back into a corner of her mind where it wouldn't reach her.

She sighed deeply, sitting down on her couch and staring at the wall. She felt like she was digging herself into a hole that she was going to have trouble climbing back out of. She looked down at her clothes and frowned in disgust. It was evident that Remus didn't necessarily like what she wore. He was a more traditional man, and he would want a more traditional woman. Someone not so wild, right? She could do that. She would try, at any rate.

TBC!

A/N: I'm hoping that everyone's enjoying this... I'm trying really hard! Keep the reviews coming, readers! I promise I'll update soon!


	3. Change of Mood

Disclaimer: Yup... STILL don't own Harry Potter.

_Chapter Three: Change of Mood_

Remus wasn't quite sure what had gotten into his young love, but he knew that she wasn't being herself. He could see it in the way she carried herself, the way she acted... not to mention the way she _looked_. What in the world was causing her to change her looks the way she was now? Personally, he found it rather silly. He truly didn't like it when she wasn't herself.

However, part of him felt panicked when the changes started happening. Was it because of him? Was she hoping to attract younger men in an attempt to blow him off? Or, perhaps, was she just being her usual self and experimenting with looks?

He sighed, running a hand through his thin, fine hair. He shouldn't worry, for he knew that it only led to trouble. He looked over to the beautiful young woman beside him, whom was looking at him with concern. Remus smiled reassuringly and her doubts seemed to evanesce from her face.

Tonks loved the way that Remus's eyes sparkled when he smiled. It made her feel like a princess, like she was on top of the world, empowered by that one simple gesture. After several more little experiments, she had toned down how eccentric she was in how she looked. Rather than wearing bright, shocking colors, she had settled into wearing more plain clothes.

Her hand found his and their fingers entwined. Today she'd chosen to wear a skirt that consisted of several different shades of brown, with a mud brown t-shirt to match. Poking out from underneath the long skirt were a pair of brown boots (she hardly wore anything _but_ boots, it seemed). It was plain and simple, just like she imagined Remus would truly want.

"How do you like my outfit today?" Tonks beamed, looking up into his eyes again. Her hair was brown, too, in order to match her outfit better.

"You look very..." Remus wasn't quite sure how to respond once he saw the shift in emotion behind her brown eyes. She looked hopeful, lost in anticipation. "You look very nice, but not like yourself."

_Hahaha, you did it this time._ Insecurity laughed in Tonks's head.

"W-what?" The girl sputtered. "What do you mean I don't look like myself? This _is_ me."

_See? All your attempts to please him have finally driven him off. He doesn't like you anymore, and neither do you. You never liked yourself, you freak, and now he won't like you, either._ Insecurity could be... such an utter asshole sometimes.

_I may be a freak, but I'm a better freak than anything else... Remus loves me, I know it. Just you wait and see!_ Tonks battled back fiercely.

"You just... aren't the girl you were before. Fun, but not _as _fun. Cute, but not _as _cute. Tonks, whatever is the matter that you're changing yourself so?" Remus asked, concern lacing his tone.

"Y-you don't like me anymore?" Tonks's fingers began to tremble as her eyes stung.

"No, no! That's not it at all!" Remus replied desperately. What in the world was going on with her? He'd never seen her act quite like this before.

"Then what is it?" She demanded.

"I just get the feeling that you aren't happy, Tonks! That you're not being yourself when you're around me anymore..." He tried to cup her lovely face and make her look him in the eyes, but she pulled away, stepping a few feet away.

Remus could almost feel his heart rip in half as he watched her turn and run off into the crowd, where she knew very well he would have trouble finding her, especially when she could change her appearance.

Tonks collapsed onto a stone bench in the almost empty park, burying her face into her hands and sobbing quietly. Oh, what was she going to do? He probably hated her now. Well, maybe he hadn't before, but _she_ certainly wouldn't have appreciated it if someone had suddenly turned and dashed away from _her_.

She sighed miserably and looked up at the mixed sky, which was currently in a phase of transition between being blue and cloudy. What, oh, _what_ was she going to do now?

TBC!

A/N: I thought it'd be fun to leave you with a sort of cliffhanger. There's probably going only be one more chapter of this story, just to warn you all. But fear not, I shall still spit out many fanficcies like people that like to reproduce like to spit out babies! I was playing there, not trying to offend anyone. (Better not confuse people :eyeroll: Teehee) See you all soon!


	4. Change of Heart

Disclaimer: Not owning anything.

Chapter Four: Change of Heart 

Remus didn't know what to do as he stared after Tonks's retreating form. He sighed dismally, trying to decide whether to go after her or let her be. The obvious decision would be for him to go after her, but the situation's problem was less than obvious, therefore he remained where he was.

_Oh, for Merlin's sake, Moony, make up your mind!_ He thought to himself irritably. He closed his blue eyes and reopened them slowly, striding forward to look for his girl.

Tonks pulled her legs up, hugging her knees to her chest. Tears fell onto her long skirt, and she sniffled, continuing to peer up at the changing sky. Remus had said that he didn't think she was happy…

"He was right," she muttered aloud. "I'm not happy. Not at all."

_And whose fault might that be?_ Insecurity smiled.

_Oh, don't even _start_ with me, you demonic voice!_ Tonks snapped back. _It may be my fault, but I don't feel like I have any control over this._

_You already discussed this with yourself. _You're_ the problem, Nymphadora. You can't make that man love you no matter what you do. Can't you see that yet?_ Insecurity whispered to her.

Tonks stood up hastily, walking over to the magical fountain in the center of the park. She sat on the edge of the stone around it, looking down into the water to see the sky's reflection. The water rippled as something dropped into it and she looked up, expecting to see rain.

"Hm… That's funny." She said aloud, then lifted a hand to carefully touch her cheek, which was wet with the remnants of a teardrop. "Oh, get a grip on yourself, already! Aren't you all cried out yet?"

Several passerby's eyed Tonks as she sighed to herself. However, Tonks couldn't bring herself to care. She felt a deep despair inside of her, making her hollow in the pit of her stomach. It was _her_ fault Remus hadn't been happy. It was _her_ fault that _she_ hadn't been happy, too.

_Maybe we'd both be better off if I were just dead,_ she thought sadly.

"Nymphadora!" Came the cry from behind her. Tonks froze in place, eyes focused on the water.

Time seemed to stop as Remus approached her. Her heart pounded and her cheeks flushed. Tears welled up in her eyes and her stomach ached. Her fingers trembled and her lips became immobile.

"Tonks," he said softly. He sat beside her, rather surprised that she hadn't bothered to change her appearance. Perhaps he'd wanted him to find her…?

"Remus, this has to end." Tonks replied, not lifting her eyes from the water. The sky had clouded over more, turning everything an ugly gray.

"What does?" Remus asked, hoping she wasn't saying what he thought she was.

"This relationship. Neither of us are getting anything from it anymore," Tonks's lips twitched in what was supposed to be an attempt at a smile. "Don't you agree?"

"No, Nymphadora Tonks, I don't." Remus hadn't intended his words to come out as harshly as they had, but they had hit something in her. The tears in her eyes flooded over onto her cheeks, her eyes changing back to their natural shade of blue.

"Why, Remus? Why?" Tonks whispered to him.

Remus snatched up one of her shaking hands and held in tight in both of his. "Why, you ask?"

She looked up at him for the first time, "Everything's all my fault…"

"_What_ is your fault, exactly?" Remus wanted to know. Perhaps he could finally get to the bottom of this!

"Your unhappiness… I only wanted you to like me, to love me…" Tonks stammered.

Remus blinked in confusion. He leaned a bit closer to her, looking into those lovely blue eyes he'd gotten lost in many times before. He said nothing, just held her hands and stared into her eyes. Tonks swallowed nervously at the silence.

"Who are you, and what have you done with the woman I love?" Remus finally asked.

Tonks looked shocked. "What!"

"This is simply _not_ the Tonks I know. The wonderful girl I fell in love with would never say such foolish things." He replied firmly.

"Remus, stop it! I only wanted to please you!" She cried.

"Please me? Tonks, you already _do_ please me. I love you for who you are and what you do, how you look and act… How you think and feel! You should know that." Remus's tone was soft and considerate, finally realizing why his beloved metamorphagus had been going through so many changes.

Tonks looked hesitant, casting her eyes to the ground. "I didn't think that you liked how… wild my appearance was. I thought you wanted me to be… Prettier and sexier… But then I thought that maybe you wanted me to be more reserved and plain…"

Remus unclasped one of her hands to gently cup her chin, turning her to face him again and look into his eyes. "If I had any problems with the way you were, I would have brought them up. Our relationship is honest enough that if our flaws get in the way of our love, they must be approached. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, Remus, but…"

"But nothing," he cut her off. "I suppose the better question is don't you trust _yourself_?"

_And _what_ are you going to say to that?_ Insecurity cackled.

Tonks scowled. Remus noted this. "Tonks, what's going on inside your head?"

"A war," She replied simply. "Between me and my heart."

"And what's winning?"

"My insecurity." Tonks looked away again.

"Aha!" Remus said triumphantly. "I understand it all now… Oh, Tonks…" He pulled her into a tight embrace. "You've misunderstood everything! I love you just the way you are! When you are yourself I'm the happiest, because that's the _real_ you, and you're happy when you who you want to be. As long as you feel comfortable, I feel comfortable."

_You…he said…_Insecurity suddenly vanished.

Tonks smiled her first real smile in what felt like a decade. Her hair retracted and became a bright, vibrant pink. "You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that, Remus."

"I know, Tonks. I love you." He looked down into her eyes yet another time.

"I love you, too. Most importantly… I love myself, too."

Tonks leaned up to capture Remus's lips in a gentle, caring kiss. At that moment, the sun peered through the clouds, showering the two in golden sunlight. Tonks had successfully gone through some very good changes.

The End!

A/N: Well, I hope the end wrapped things up effectively and that you all enjoyed it! I'm sorry I hadn't written this sooner… I had to go through some changes myself before I could figure out how exactly this story was going to end. Nonetheless, that's it for this one! Look for more fics from me in the future, and take care, my readers!


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